if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's the barista slut.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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