just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
