I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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