At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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