just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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