It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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