just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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