You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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