It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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