Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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