My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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