the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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