"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
