so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
