good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
