My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
