Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
