He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
