The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
