There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
