so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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