best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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