masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
