i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
