My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
