singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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