dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
