maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
