apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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