ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
