soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
