I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
