so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
