If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
