brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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