my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
