some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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