Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
