so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
