I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
