cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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