dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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