He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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