the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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