Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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