Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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