Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
