Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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