actually, I'm a sock model
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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