Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
