she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
