Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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