I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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