Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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