I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
