it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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