I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
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