and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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