I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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