Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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