You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
