turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
