There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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