Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
