I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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