u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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