I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
