Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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