This is not my ceiling
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
