i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
