my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Nicole vs. Life
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
