you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
