hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
