HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
