Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
home. puking in laundry basket.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
