Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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