and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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