New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
